Supermarket: “oh what package of crackers to pick? They’re all the same, one brand, one name, but really they’re not. Look, just choose something quick because people are staring.” My skin is on fire I must choose something. Pressure is overwhelming and the next minute I’m turning out of the door facing one week without food. Some days are just really bad but don’t let them make you feel sad: those crackers were probably bad luck anyway
I’m seriously getting anxiety attacks when I think about the holiday I’ve booked with my boyfriend to Turkey; he will see me in bikini and therefore I need to lose at least 20 lbs in order to be not totally ashamed of my body.
the past few weeks i have learned to find happiness in small things. things as going for a walk and see the sun rise, hearing people having conversations about random things, making myself a healthy breakfast.
Today I decided to go for a ride on my bike. It had been a long time since I took the bike to go anywhere. I usally went by scooter or by bus but since my confession yesterday to my parents and boyfriend I really needed some time and space to think. I decided to go to a place nearby to do some groceries for my mom as well. I started cycling and I can´t describe the feeling that it gave me. I felt careless and free, I smiled all the time and greeted people I saw. I even gave myself a diet coke and enjoyed it(!) I have not looked at my legs or body at all and felt truly happy. After an hour I was back home and decided to tell my mom how I felt but the same minute I wanted to tell her I realized that I´ve burned X calories by cycling an hour and BAM! back to where I was.
since he moved away, i can only see him a couple of times a year and i miss him being around every day.