I’m seriously getting anxiety attacks when I think about the holiday I’ve booked with my boyfriend to Turkey; he will see me in bikini and therefore I need to lose at least 20 lbs in order to be not totally ashamed of my body.
the past few weeks i have learned to find happiness in small things. things as going for a walk and see the sun rise, hearing people having conversations about random things, making myself a healthy breakfast.
Today I decided to go for a ride on my bike. It had been a long time since I took the bike to go anywhere. I usally went by scooter or by bus but since my confession yesterday to my parents and boyfriend I really needed some time and space to think. I decided to go to a place nearby to do some groceries for my mom as well. I started cycling and I can´t describe the feeling that it gave me. I felt careless and free, I smiled all the time and greeted people I saw. I even gave myself a diet coke and enjoyed it(!) I have not looked at my legs or body at all and felt truly happy. After an hour I was back home and decided to tell my mom how I felt but the same minute I wanted to tell her I realized that I´ve burned X calories by cycling an hour and BAM! back to where I was.
since he moved away, i can only see him a couple of times a year and i miss him being around every day.